Gormom, I am so sincerely sorry for your loss. Having experienced the loss of a loved one to murder myself, I understand that your life has been completely turned upside down. The only thing I can say is that it is true that time heals all wounds. It has been 21 years since it happened, and although I will never forget it, the pain of the event has dulled and I have allowed myself to become more trusting in the world.
In time you will find the strength to move on from this devastating event, create a new safety net for you and your family and be able to remember your loved one for the wonderful man that he was and seperate his memory in life from his memory in death.
Please feel free to private message me if you ever need to chat. Sometimes venting to someone totally unconnected from the event can be extremely theraputic.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.